Some judges don’t give a damn about the parties in front of them or the life-altering impact that their decisions will have. Other judges care about listening to both sides and have good gut instincts about what is fact and what is fiction.

I’ve been in family court enough to know. And in my experience, identity politics are virtually irrelevant in the court room: in dealing with my same sex paternity suit, a lesbian judge practically ridiculed me out of court. My lesbian lawyer swindled me. A straight male judge carefully read all 50 pages of my grief-filled petition and by the end of a two hour hearing, he understood me to be exactly the mother that I am, though his capacity to help was limited.

I was thrilled to be interviewing Victoria Kolakowski, the first transgender Superior Court Judge in the U.S., but I wasn’t about to make any assumptions about what that might mean for the Alameda County residents she’ll be presiding over.

“It’s still sinking in that I won,” Kolakowski said. “I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about who I am or what I’m trying to do. Some people took away from my campaign that I was running merely to become the first transgendered judge.

“I’m not going to be the ‘transgender judge’. I’m not going to be in ‘transgender court’. This isn’t a television show. This is serious business.”

Serious business is exactly what Kolakowski has been working on. At the California Public Utilities Commission, she served as an administrative law judge.

“I’m moving from these big billion dollar cases involving policy and statewide issues (such as renewable energy), to dealing with individual’s lives. I’m not sure what division I’ll be assigned to.”

Kolakowski’s campaign, combined with her gender status, has generated an international media storm. In fact, she’s still inundated with phone calls from journalists. Her website has recent traffic from all 50 states and 77 countries around the world, including those with little LGBTQI protections, like Uganda, Kenya, Iran, Jordan, Egypt, Poland and Russia.

“If I talk about it [being transgendered], people will say, ‘why are you making a big deal about this?’ If I don’t bring it up, people will say, ‘why are you hiding this?’ It’s curiously intriguing to people. As a matter of fact, a CNN article listed me as the lead ‘intriguing’ person of the day!

“People always have questions that they want to ask," Kolakowski continued. "I’m usually pretty gracious in answering them. I figure if I’m not, they’ll pick up misinformation someplace. People can be very intrusive that way, but I’m not offended by it. I know, for example, that people would never go up to someone else and ask them about what’s under their clothes. But in my case they find it interesting. It doesn’t bother me. But there are times that I would just rather not even think about it.

“I’m looking forward to two months from now, after I’ve taken my oath and I’ve started my new job, to stop getting phone calls from everyone in the world wanting to talk to me. I’m coming into this new environment and it’s like being the new kid at school, not knowing the social conventions of the people I’m dealing with. I don’t want people thinking that I’m this prima donna.”

I, as a writer, felt blessed to be granted this interview, but because of my experience, I walked into it with a healthy skepticism. What else, besides her queerness, is Kolakowski bringing to the table?

She is happily, legally married to her wife. She was raised in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. She grew up in a blue-collar, Polish-American household. Her father dropped out of high school to work machines making corrugated cardboard boxes. Her mother budgeted with envelopes of money marked for various bills. She was the first of her family to graduate college.

Kolakowski recalled her family’s initial reaction to her quest for knowledge.

“‘What do you need to go to college for?’ And then I kept going. I think I’ve been making up for all the past generations with all my degrees.”

In addition to her law degree, she has two Masters of Science degrees - one in Biomedical Engineering and one in Electrical Engineering. She also has Masters degree in Divinity.

Many people, in climbing the social ladder, forget or suppress their roots. Kolakowski retains a sensitivity to issues of culture, immigration and class. She’s interested in how to make the legal system more accessible to people with limited resources, people who can’t afford attorney fees. She believes this is possible, through the use of instructional YouTube videos which walk people through various stages of a mock hearing, better designed court websites and information translated into as many languages as possible.

Her unique position casts her into the spotlight, but that hasn’t always been a good thing. I asked her about her coming out process.

“The information preceded me. I transitioned in law school, during my last semester. I got a phone call from one of the firms I’d worked at, asking me to remove them from my resume.

“I was working for an attorney. He would mail me my assignments; I would complete the work and slip it under his office door before business hours, so that I wouldn’t encounter any of his clients.

“People felt like they had an affirmative duty to share information about me.

“When I got my first position at a law firm, an associate attorney there got a phone call from one of the places where I’d interviewed; they wanted to ‘warn’ him about me. One of the law clerks overheard the conversation. The clerk decided that they had no choice, but to out me to everyone in the firm.

“Even if I don’t talk about it, people seem to know. So I’ve never tried to be that closeted about it because, especially these days, if you Google me, you know my whole life story.

“People who are transgendered are often unemployed or underemployed. I’ve had good years and lean years; an attorney is never really unemployed. Though I suspect that if it weren’t for this particular aspect of my life, I would have been far more financially successful.

“Everyone goes through transformation and change in their lives, but transgendered people go through transformation on the outside, as well as on the inside, for the world to see. Most people go through changes internally, behind a mask. Sometimes I think people are fascinated by us because you can see this transformation going on, visibly.

“One of the things about the trans part of my identity, as opposed to the lesbian part, is that sexual identity no longer seen as a psychological issue,” Kolakowski explained. “Now it’s a fight over morality. But being transgender is still viewed as a psychological issue. The stigma attached to it is that people think that I’m delusional.”

While it’s true that Kolakowski’s victory positively impacts public awareness of transgendered people, how will her victory impact the individuals in her courtroom?

A fusion of compassion and objective, scientific reasoning is needed and Kolakowski, with all her degrees, is certainly well-rounded in this respect. She’s capable of deciphering technical information and translating it into layman’s terms. Her reasoning is methodical and she has a solid respect for the law as it stands, regardless of her personal opinions. During our conversation, I emitted the slow mist of my empathy toward her, and I felt the slow mist of her empathy reach back toward me.

Kolakowski’s win is a benefit to the people of Alameda County. If there is anyone fearing her appointment, let me offer this: a room of queer legal heads did not help me when I came to court with a queer issue. What helped, was an impartial judge with a sound mind and a willingness to hear me out. Straight men and women don’t need to fear Kolakowski: she is reasonable, and decent, and respectful with regards to the human condition, the oath of her office, the law and the gravity of life circumstances.

“One of our society’s bedrock assumptions is that, for example, the next time I meet you, you’re not gonna be a guy,” Kolakowski said. “We live in a world where so many things are changing, constantly. People are overwhelmed by all the changes in society. To have something so fundamental shift, is unnerving.

“Some find that pleasant. Some enjoy the shock value, especially younger people. Some of the folks who call themselves gender queer get a rise out of taking people’s assumptions and flipping them upside down.

"This stuff is all so complicated. We live in a world where we try to fit everything into boxes. It’s part of how we’re hard-wired. Our brain is a giant pattern recognition machine. Binary things are easier. You’re in the group; you’re out of the group. You’re one of us; you’re not. There is night and there is day.

“Yes, there’s night and there’s day, but one of the most beautiful times is twilight, dusk, dawn … . Before I transitioned … I felt like every time I walked into a room, I was lying to people about who I was because they saw one person and I felt like I was someone else. I’m not a dishonest person. I don’t like to mislead people. For me, it felt too toxic to not be honest about who I am.

“I’ve chosen to be open. There’s an old saying that ‘you’re only as sick as your secrets.’”