What if it was impossible for YOU to legally get a meal in Oakland? Welcome to the daily humiliations of undeath.

Enough is enough.

Tonight, zombies and other members of the local undead community (as well as their friends and supporters) will gather in Jack London Square to march for undead civil rights. Oakland Local zombie reporter Amy Gahran will be on hand to cover the event.

Details...

WHERE: Meet in full Undead Regalia at Heinold's First and Last Chance (bar), 46 Webster St., Jack London Square, Oakland.

WHEN: Socializing and makeup/wardrobe assistance will start 5:45 pm, Tues Dec. 22. Bring signs.

6:30-8pm: March (stumble, fly, crawl, etc.) from Jack London Square to Oakland City Hall (1 Frank H. Ogawa Plaza). There we'll read our demand, and celebrate the holiday spirit with some rousing zombie carols.

RULES: Please stay on the sidewalk and obey traffic signals. No "snacking" en route, either!

List of demands, from the event's organizers:

• Undead covered by Americans with Disabilities Act as far as making churches, Mosques, etc. accessible to us.
• We want the right to vote back! We might be "dead", but we are mobile and those voting machines must be made "Zombie-user-friendly"! We can gurgglleee do itssssss!
• We want the right to eat (consenting!) food without being charged with assault, cannibalism, murder, etc.
• No more "chipping" and "leash laws" for those of us who get furry!
• We want REAL blood banks! Ones where we can have accounts and the new rules restricting overdraft fees should apply, too.
• Rewrite the marriage laws such that "till undeath do us part" be an option. Otherwise, for those of us who die, automatic freedom from marriage as the law now stands!
• We want the right to start Undead Gaming Casinos in graveyards, mausoleums and the like. Especially Julia Morgan-designed ones like at the top of Piedmont Ave.
• We get a cut of ALL movies about the undead and the funds go into a trust to start up Undead Economic Zones.
• Restaurants must be allowed to serve uncooked meat and carry, well, our type of meat.
• We get to keep Social Security benefits.
• Sports teams with undead mascots are legally on our menu.
• We are exempted from "scent free" environment requirements.
• Necromancers need to be allowed to work in hospitals and clinics in order to provide us with proper medical scare.
• Laurell K. Hamilton is our PR liasonette.
• Michael Vick gets to live with werewolves for a few months.
• US currency needs to be re-written " In God Some Of Us Trust."

This is only the beginning....