(Notw: this story is related to one about the SmartBoot from PayLock being launched in Oakland this week.)

It turns out that my friend Micah Baldwin from Boulder, CO, got his car SmartBooted just as they rolled the program out in Denver in October, 2007. A prolific blogger, Micah wrote about the disaster(s) that ensured and told OL we could reprint the whole thing.

Here, is the spirit of let's pray none of this happens to us, is Micah's SmartBoot saga:

1. Micah gets the boot

This morning after dropping my dogs off at doggie day care I parked on the right side of the street, not realizing it was street sweeping day. I went inside, did some work on the computer, listened to some music, and about an hour or so later, grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

To my chagrin, I noticed a shiny yellow object attached to my back right tire. First thought: “Wow, they put the Denver boot on the wrong tire.” Usually, its on the left front tire so the driver can see it prior to entering their car.

A bit of background. I get about $300-$500 dollars of parking tickets a year. Its not because I dont pay for parking, it usually is because I misjudge how long I will be somewhere which I am guessing is even worse given I am paying for parking PLUS the ticket. So instead of paying each one as I get it, I just wait until I get a Denver boot, and it streamlines the process. I know it costs more. I didnt say it was a SMART thing to do.

I walked out to my car, grabbed the Denver boot notice off the windshield, and went inside to call the parking people. I go through the automated process, but half way through I get transfered to a person. First thought: Shit. I must have done something else, and they are going to yell at me. I give my credit card YES! Miles for my Denver boot fee! and the person gives me the code 13129#.

Is there a new secret code that I had to provide the Denver boot taker-offer? That’s silly but cool in a secret agent way. No, it turns out that the Denver boot is a Denver Smart Boot, made by a company called PayLock out of Philadelphia. Does that make it the Philly Boot? Denver has begun using them today.

Thats right, today I am the first recipient of the Denver Smart Boot.

Now, not only do you have to pay the boot fee plus parking ticket fees, you have to type in the code in the Denver Smart Boot, and then take it to a drop off location! Yes, not only do I have to pay for getting booted, I have to do Denver’s parking enforcement group’s job of removal and return. Nice work Denver. Very Tom Sawyer of you. If the Denver Smart Boot is not returned within 24 hours, a $25 fee is charged, increasing to $500. $500 for a Denver Smart Boot? Hmmmm….maybe I should just keep it?

I swing by the Denver Municipal Water Building Yeah, I would have thought the Denver Boot would go to the Denver Traffic and Parking people too to drop off the Denver Smart Boot.

They had no idea what to do. I found out that they had been told the project would not go live until tomorrow, and that the website had just started working a couple of hours ago. They had to call Philadelphia to make sure that it worked properly, and took down my address because they couldnt print receipts.

In the world of Web 2.0, it seems that even the Denver Smart Boot is undergoing a private beta.

2. Micah's Smart Boot experience is a disaster

Here is the chat discussion uncut. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Except mine.

Me: ok

Me: so here is the story

Me: Im at a coffee shop with friends

Me: ok one friend

Me: I dont really have friends

Me: I walk out of the shop at 5:30, car is booted

Me: I call them

Me: $600 later, I pay for tickets I already paid for

Me: they say you have a default boot

Me: I say you are a fucking retard, because there is a keypad, so give me the code so I can take it off

Me: they say there is no keypad

ST: lol

ST: “ok one friend”

Me: I say, I am not blind you stupid motherfuckers, there is a keypad

Me: we argue about the existence of the keypad for like 5 min

Me: finally, I give up.

ST:this is funny

Me: They say by 7pm, some one will come to take the boot off.

MP: I’m writing the screenplay now.

Me: its 5:30, so I say fine.

Me: I will wait

Me: at 6:45pm, I call back

Me: I say, hey, so no one has come to take off the boot

Me: they say, oh, we meant 7pm EST. You are in central time, so you will have to wait until tomorrow.

Me: I say, stupid motherfucker, I am in mountain time. go get someone to take off the boot.

Me: they say, sorry, everyone has gone home.

Me: I hang up the phone

Me: I call back

Me: I tell my story

Me: I mention that there is a serial number for the boot on the citation. I read it to them

Me: they say, oh, that boot is on another car

Me: I say

Me: well, I dont say anything

Me: because clearly they dont believe I have the ability to see that there is a boot on my car

Me: I say, nicely, there is a boot on my car

Me: the serial number is 9743

Me: they say thats impossible

Me: that boot is not on your car

Me: I hang up

Me: I call back

Me: I tell my story

Me: the lady says, Im sorry for the inconvenience

Me: I ask that she apologize for the stupidity as well

Me: she doesnt find it funny

Me: I stop a meter maid

Me: (except its a dude who is clearly a douchebag)

ST: im cracking up

Me: he says, booting is not my department

Me: I say, you put it on there, take the fucker off

Me: he says, I am only trained in putting them on

Me: I said clearly

Me: he calls the dispatch

Me: they say everyone went home, and I will have to wait until the next day to get my car

Me: I said I hate you all and I hope you die. Except I said it like this

Me: “thanks very much”

ST: lol

Me: then I called a friend who picked me up and drove me to boulder

Me: we grabbed dinner

Me: since I had no car and he drove me

Me: he dropped me off at my house

Me: I get a call from new jersey

ST: how far is boulder from denver??

Me: “hello mr. baldwin, this the supervisor of the boot removal department”

Me: 40 miles

BH: apparently Denver is now in NJ

ST: ah

Me: “and we have removed your boot”

ST: hahaha

Me: I say, thats great, since its 9pm, and the meters run until 10pm, I better not have a ticket.

Me: so danny drives me down to denver.

Me: it starts to rain

Me: thunder

Me: lightening

BH: oh shite

Me: I get to my car

Me: the boot is gone

Me: there is no ticket

BH: THERE’S A TICKET

Me: I get in my car

BH: oh

BH: fuck

BH: change the story

Me: and I drive up in a torrential downpour

Me: and now I am finally home

ST: that was quite an ending

Me: after paying $610 in parking fines I HAVE ALREADY PAID

Me: and waiting 7.5 hours for the boot to be removed.

ST: so are you going to fight it?

Me: the end

ST: fight city hall!

ST: that sucks man

Me: I will never enter the city of denver again

Me: so the boot was invented in denver

Me: but its a new boot called the smart boot, of which the operation of it is outsourced to philadelphia

BH: Better than being outsourced to some foreign country

MP: another change in the story… outsourced to NJ

Me: fuck me

Me: http://learntoduck.com/humor/first-denver-smart-boot-recipient

MP: Thank you very much

Me: I wrote that the first time I paid the tickets

Me: is that unbelievable or what?

Me: then I was having fun writing horribly vitriol tweets about denver, so I went with it.

MP: For you Micah, a thousand times more believable.

BH: the best part is where they keep telling you that you’re a lying muthefucker

Me: lol

Me: I KNOW!

Me: my favorite part

Me: the lady says “According to our records you have a default boot”

Me: I say “according to my eyeballs I have a smart boot”

BH: Micah: I’m a Jew

BH: Boot: No you’re not

Me: lol

BH: Micah: No, I’m looking at my circumcised dick right now

BH: Boot: Sir, our records indicate that you are a woman

 

Micah Baldwin blogs at Learn to Duck, is an advisor to TechStars, and is VP, Business Development and Chief Evangelist for Lijit Networks, the sixth startup Micah has been involved in (having sold his last startup, Current Wisdom, in the beginning of 2007).